Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Hines Ward Wins "Dancing with the Stars"

by Mike Batista

Now in the Heinz Field trophy case are six Lombardi trophies ... and a mirror ball.

Hines Ward and his partner Kym Johnson won "Dancing with the Stars" Tuesday night.

No truth to the rumor that Roger Goodell fined Ward for putting his hand on Johnson's ass during their routine.

It's a good thing DWTS winners don't have to come back the following year to defend their championship. Considering the way the Steelers have defended their last two Super Bowl titles, I could see pants falling down or Ward's balls getting whacked when he tries to sweep his partner under his legs.

It turns out that like the Steelers, Ward does best when he's not expected to. I didn't think Ward had a chance.

Having taken salsa lessons a couple of years ago in my futile pursuit of a Dominican woman*, I knew I was qualified to be a dance pundit.

I based my prediction on Ward's sad imitation of Chad Ochocinco (then Chad Johnson) in 2005. I figured if Ward wasn't as good as someone who was eliminated halfway through the season in 2010, there was no way he could win.

The three finalists heading into Tuesday's show were Ward and Johnson, Chelsea Kane and her partner Mark Ballas and Kirstie Alley and her partner Maksim Chmerkovskiy.

Chelsea and Mark seemed to be Team Ward's biggest rivals for the trophy. Last week the final four teams competed against each other, with the winners of the semifinal dances competing in a final with the prize being 25 extra points from the judges. Chelsea and Mark beat Hines and Kym and earned the extra edge going into the final.

As if it wasn't bad enough that there might not be football in September, we were reduced to fearing a Disney Channel star the same way we fear Ray Lewis.

It turned out the team of Chelsea and Mark became the Patriots of the dance floor. They were the best team during the season but couldn't get it done when it mattered most. Chelsea and Mark were the first team eliminated Tuesday night, making Kirstie Alley and her partner the final obstacle between Ward and the mirror ball.


Ward and Johnson were probably helped by votes from Steelers Nation. There were plenty of Terrible Towels in the "Dancing with the Stars" studio.

Somehow I don't see the Dawg Pound going over quite as well there.

*-That courtship met its excruciating demise during the Steelers' infamous five-game losing streak in 2009. Coincidence? I think not.

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